Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
