i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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