I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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