I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
