Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize