i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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