dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
