Pappa wants mamma naked
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
