Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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