i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just found puke in my bra..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
