hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
