You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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