I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize