Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
