I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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