I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
