We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you had me at cake vodka
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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