Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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