youre lurking in front of me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize