I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
