I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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