I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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