Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
