I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
