either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
