I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
