I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
