I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
