I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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