I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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