i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
