those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
