dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
