Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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