Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
