Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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