the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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