i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
