I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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