i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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