i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
