would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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