we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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