Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
