If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
