You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
