Moan for me like Helen Keller
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
