Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize