I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
