I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
