After last night, I could never be a politician.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
