I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
