I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
