a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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