i already hear my dad disowning me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
