she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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