...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
