hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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