Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize