Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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