It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
