what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
