if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
