at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
