I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
