So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize