I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize