Jerry, you need to find god
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i out mim tonsoeep
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