Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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