So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
