Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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