we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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