I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
